STAGE FRIGHT: How Monumental Incompetence Rang Down the Final Curtain on the Trillberry Players

TRILLBERRY GAZETTE

“The Voice of the Valley Since 1892”

By Ryan Shoemaker, Senior Arts & Culture Columnist

There is a fine line in the theater between a tragedy and a farce. But what transpired this week at the historic Trillberry Playhouse wasnt art. It was a masterclass in weapons-grade stupidity.

On Thursday night, the Trillberry Players, our towns cultural heartbeat, officially entered permanent liquidation. The marquee lights are dark, the building has been barricaded by the police, and the board has officially stripped the name "Trillberry Players" from the theater. We, the theatre-loving public, have two specific gentlemen to thank for this cultural assassination: Board Accountant Roger Horowitz, and Artistic Director Oscar J. Evans.

Let us begin with Mr. Evans, a man whose artistic vision is matched only by his profound detachment from reality.

To say Oscar has had his head in the clouds would be an insult to meteorology. For the past three seasons, as attendance dwindled, Evans refused to stage reliable, crowd-pleasing theater. Instead, he apparently operated under the delution that he could go on for three years without paying a single dime of rent on the building. When the board finally locked him out, Oscars defense was to shriek that he is the "Trilberry Shakespeare" and that the entire town only exists because of him.

But artistic hubris alone didnt sink this ship. It required a special kind of administrative negligence to finish the job, and that is where Roger enters our narrative.

Roger, a man whose financial credentials should immediately be audited by a higher power, managed the theaters books with the precision of a toddler playing with a calculator. In a revelation that makes one fear for the future of local commerce, Roger admitted to the board that when Oscar gave him the job, he didnt even realize he was supposed to be a Certified Public Accountant.

"I thought he wanted a CTA, a Counselor Training Assistant! Not a CPA! I'm not a CPA!" Roger shouted during the final meltdown, defending his credentials by noting he made all his money in Bitcoin. It turns out Roger spent years letting Oscar believe his personal savings were funding the company, completely oblivious to the impending eviction.

The Trillberry Players survived economic downturns and shifting audiences. What they could not survive was an artistic director who thought he was Shakespeare reincarnated, paired with a board accountant who literally thought "CPA" meant summer camp staff.

As for the future of theater in this town? Former Mayor G is reportedly beside herself with grief over the situation. However, word is already circulating that Juan Santiago has stepped in to donate money for a brand-new theater program. The board has already voted on a new name for the upcoming Halloween production: "Santiagos Minions: A Trilberry Community Theater."

Shame on you, Oscar. Shame on you, Roger. You didnt just lose a lease; you proved that the real circus in Trilberry was running the theater all along.

watch the meeting here

Did You Know?

The citizens of Trillberry affectionately refer to newcomers as future Trillberians